Sine Metu

<------Suggested listening as you read

Without fear

      Saint Patrick taught the Irish people about the holy trinity using a shamrock and turned us all into Catholics.  We celebrate this on March 17th by ballooning our bellies with corned beef and cabbage so that we might later burn them with whiskey.  Saint Patty's always reminds me of the aptitudes my bloodline has blessed me with.  These Irish super powers were inborn and then flawlessly nurtured in the songs and literature of my country men.  God has afforded me many emerald abilities that alone might seem insignificant but together they form a terrible partnership of shenanigan.
      On the 17th you might feel like one of us burping up a melange of Jameson's, Guinness, and cabbage but you will be put back in your place when I out work you on the 18th ousting the oppression of any hangover.  You call it a famine but I know it was  genocide so I have something to prove.  Sundays in your neighborhood are spent belting out hymns and putting on airs.  Down the street at the Saint Patrick's we swallow malted vomit and compare black eyes.  Saturday night's donnybrook negates our state of grace and we stay kneeling during the communion procession.  We know that we will be forgiven with Saint Bridget's lips to the ear of Jesus.   To be Irish is a bewitching misery.  A birthright of bad luck and avoidance.  
      We understand that on the 17th of March you want to be one of us but understand that to be truly Irish is not so uninvolved.  Saint Patrick's is an amazing holiday marked by leprechauns, neon lights, and bar stools but (and I promise you this) any other day "you'd wish you was English instead".  It is not so easy for me the whiskey inculcates differently.  In rage my Irish whisper calls it holocaust and I must bear this cross until the banshee's cry.
     What on earth does any of this have to do with coupon you ask?  Well let me fill you in!   If you sign up for the Safeway "Just for you" internet coupon program you will become eligible for this lubricated bargain.  When you purchase an already discounted bottle of Jameson Irish whiskey you get an automatic  three bucks deducted from your next beer purchase.  If the beer you purchase happens to be Guinness  you then receive another two dollars off bread, cheese, or meat.  Clearly this two dollar value is meant to be applied to your Saint Paddy's corned beef purchase or maybe even an investment in some soda bread.
     This is a very sincere thank you to Safeway and it's celebration of my culture.  They have extended the invitation so we can't take it back now.  Fill your glass with Jamesons in honor of James Connolly and suck the Guinness foam from your top lip in the glory of Easter Rising.  I will be right there with you as I took full advantage of this discount.  It is worthy of remark that while paying for this celtic purchase I asked the checker if she liked "Irish sausage in the can." She was less then amused.  Her displeasure had her figured for English.
    I beseech you don't let my verdurous vociferate put you off.  Please champion the defeat of polytheism    in our company.  It is more important that you understand the magic winch of whisky then accurate Irish pain.  More important that you spit and curse Oliver Cromwell then understand the true measure of his Gaelic terror.  Safeway is offering an astonishing booze benefit please take advantage.  Just know that when the rotgut subsides and the hangover sets in, it shilelagh law and I might not like you anymore.

NYC Saint Patrick's day!
Pete is protestant yet still in full support of the IRA