A few days ago I was searching the internet for a Price Co web site in hopes of checking the circular for match ups (a "match up" is a coupling of manufacturers coupons with store coupons resulting in maximum savings). To my dismay the only online resource that I was able to find for Price Co was a Facebook page. It wasn't even a fan page that I could simply "like". I had to request friendship and wait for a response. It took a couple of days but finally this morning Facebook informed me that Price Co had indeed accepted my request and I was now able to view the page. In the midst of my perusal I noticed a familiar face listed just below mine in the Price Co "friends" section. The picture seated just below me was of the "I took this myself, of myself, in the bathroom mirror" genre. I recognized the girl in the picture because she had been my cashier at Price Co a number of times. My pervious contact with this girl had not given me the desire to know more about her or view her personal photos but this morning something nudged me (most likely boredom) to click and view each one of her online snapshots. A considerable amount of my morning was wasted scrutinizing her likeness while reading the rejoinders and observations of her and her friends.
Eventually life stepped in and I was forced to stop my Facebook linger in an attempt to be productive. My day was filled with many different activities. I helped frame a deck, wrote a little, played with my cat and planned an upcoming visit from my friend Mark. Soon the advent of dusk, and in assumed denouement I enjoyed a forty ouncer wrapped in a suffocating pink and purple sunset.
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| Price Co Lurk Victim |
The day unclenched and stomaches a grumble I made my way to the market (Price Co as it happens to be the closest) in order to pick up some garlic bread to accompany our dinner. Now here is where things get strange. Gliding from the car towards the market, loose with malt liquor intoxicant, my attention was stolen by a girl, traveling in my same direction. How did I know this person? She soon changed her gait in obvious discomfort. I shifted my eyes away in sudden realization of my staring. Then it hit me. This girl and the girl who I had face-lurked all morning were the very same. The ensuing wave of sinister was swift. My heart began to pound and my extremities grew cold. Was she somehow privy to my morning exercise in procrastination? Was my level of creepy now known? I wanted to catch up with her before she passed into the store and swear to her it was all done in an effort to postpone the pounding of nails. I wanted her to know that I didn't find her attractive in the least (not that she wasn't pretty, just not my type) and that I in fact have a very beautiful girlfriend. Wait... maybe she didn't know. My breath drew in, forced, my heart began to steady. If she was unaware, my chasing her down and providing full confession would have proved guinness book creepy. I had to regain control!
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| Lurk revenge photo |
How are almost all seemingly impossible and internal problems solved??? RATIONALISATION! and that is what I began to do. Come on, everyone who has a facebook account has lurked at one time or another. I just wanted to see what kind of pictures a person who lives in this stupid country town might have. The only way I could truly appreciate her Dixie Chicks style permed coif was to admire many photos of it. For a second I thought I might save myself from any impending embarrassment by just not shopping at Price Co anymore. Said plan of action was only a momentary consideration as earlier in the week I had learned Price Co doubles coupons (up to $1) on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She hadn't mentioned anything in the parking lot so maybe I was in the clear. Is there even a facebook app that tells you who has been sneaking peeks at your photos? I don't know. In the event this subject is breached in the future, I will simply suggest she take revenge by lurking my photos. There are more than a few of me in super tight short shorts that I suspect are equal in entertainment to her appalachian prom hair-do.
Anyway that is my story. Everybody lurks, I even caught my girlfriend's grandma lurking once (grandmas have facebook now!!!) . So what! I spent a morning of my life invading the privacy of a girl at least fifteen years my junior. It wasn't done out of longing, lust or unhappiness in my current relationship. I did it because I needed a distraction. I felt bad because I could hear my girl's dad outside sawing and hammering and felt guilty about not helping him. I wasn't ready to get up yet. Why am I even explaining myself, you lurk and you know it!
Tomorrow is Sunday! Pray for good match ups!!!!
I have to give him his propers at least one more time. Thanks Kaka.
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Kaka Feminist
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